. Oh! Hi, Eleanor! I don't know how you had the courage to go outtoday! I have had a hard enough time just staying home! Everything I dois so feminine, so girly! I wanted a huge lunch and I found myselfmaking a salad sandwich! I got stuck doing make-up for age and I havebeen changing clothes madly!" It's ridiculous! How could they do it to us! I know they want to keepus safe, but I'd almost rather be dodging bullets then going throughthis. It's so frustrating, having to be a girly girl like this."That night Eleanor found herself finally able to remove her make-up, butthen after her bath she found herself reaching for a bottle of lotion.No, please, I don't want to...She found herself unable to stop herselfsquirting lotion into her bellybutton and onto her stomach and breasts,and rubbing it in. She repeated it with her arms and legs, hands and feetand face, and then, unable to go to the bathroom and wash off the lotion,went t o bed instead. She woke far earlier then she wanted to and. Oh certainly our relationship had changed since I had left for College, a few years before - more friendly. Mother had gravitated toward me, alternately Karry and dad hung out. Mom and I met at coffee shops, spoke about books we had read, went to the museum together - she had transformed from the maternal parent to my companion and confidant.Only in the last couple of months had I seen less of mother since I was living at home - I now understand why.Never had I seen this coming - this vile blackness that Gord had introduced me to.What he had said the night before had plagued my mind - was there something more for mother and her son than just loving friends? I recalled the conversations in recent years, how she seemed to defer to me for just about anything - from ordering coffee, to which night to go to a play and even to the topic of any given moment. Up until last night I had loved it - wanted to be around my mother whom was the only person in my life that really listened to me. Now.
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